A Skinny Girls Best Friend

In 2 days time, I'm heading to Vegas for the annual Photographers convention. 14,000 photographers will converge on spot. The thought of that many camera people and camera jargon is enough to terrify anyone...

However, contrary to what one might suppose, I am not fearful of the oncoming torrent of camera info and technique. There are many articles available on what to bring, what to wear, who to talk to, how to act like you're not a nervous, awkward amateur etc etc.

Rather, I'm in a state of complete befuddlement over What do I bring to eat?? The thought of 4 days without my beloved popcorn pot?? I'm already suffering from separation anxiety.Would I look ridiculous asking the flight attendant if she could kindly stuff my pot in the over-head bin?

You see, I'm a self-proclaimed popcorn addict. Ever since seesawing up and down 30lbs, weight watchers, fighting bulimia, and finding my identity apart from my appearance (still in progress folks!) I've come to love this white, fluffy, mana from heaven.

There's only one way to properly manufacture these goods. A classic pot with hot oil on the stove top. I am firmly set in my ways, probably because that's the way Dad always made it growing up (yes Dad, you still make the worlds best popcorn). No butter, just light salt or parmesan cheese. :) MMMmmmm. This is making me hungry.

I know while I'm sitting in the umpteenth workshop I'm going to be dying for popcorn on the inside. ::sigh:: Why don't they equip modern hotel rooms with a stove top these days? Don't they know us foodie Portlanders can't survive in Las Vegas without our precious edibles?

Perhaps it's time to suck it up and cling to my pillow pet for comfort. That...or use my pot as a suitcase. It just might work...

Burning Barbie

I am absurdly passionate about capturing women. Photographing them I mean. I love seeing them transform before my eyes into confident, glorious, goddesses. Sounds a bit spacey, but it's true. I love women.

It's because I understand how it feels to be deeply insecure, to be embarrassed by myself and want a radical fresh start. I love being able to instill a little bit of confidence back into every woman who has been beat-up by the expectations of our culture. We aren't plastic. We aren't photoshopped Barbies, we are passionate, sensual, charismatic women who love being ourselves if given half the chance.

When I was studying with Rodney Smith, he examined my portfolio, looked up and asked:

"Why do you want a perfect world? It's like you are trying to create make-believe..."

I didn't know how to answer then, but I see a bit more of the picture now.   I have come to know and appreciate the brokenness in myself, and understand the world is not as it was meant to be. But when I take a portrait and capture a connection, I am reminded of the possibilities. In a portrait, I see a reflection of the original beauty. It's refracted light--prism rainbows on the walls. 

Women are generally more insecure about their appearance than their male counterparts.   We have baggage to tote around from all sorts of life experiences. But even with our baggage and blunders we can reflect radiant light.

This is my vocation. This is my delight. To show through little prism rainbows, the beauty of the original design.

I'm a Wannabe Writer

It's funny how much time we spend inadvertently trying to be like someone else. We want their style, their hair, figure, persona, skills, studio space, success, even their hobbies. If we're just enough like them, we will be successful and accepted. We'll finally feel like an insider, one of the gang. But in all our desiring and longing and conforming we leave behind the very strengths that make us a success.

My differences and eccentricities (and boy do I have a few) are what makes me stand out from the sea of others trying to look the same. Jasmine Star explains:

"I firmly believe photographers should create a list of their assets...Gender, age, geography, and culture can all be assets if seen through the right lens. Be sure to focus on whatever makes you different and showcase that."

Now, unlike Jasmine, I'm not a writer. Most of the time the empty post stares back at me, oozing blank boringness. Words don't come readily, I never took a writing class or mastered the 700 word essay.  Quite frankly, I suck at writing.

If I keep attempting to be the ever-witty blogger who's turn-of-phrase is nigh addicting to the common reader, I can promise you one thing--I'll fail.

I guess all that to say, it's ok to accept and embrace your particular limitations and style of communicating. If you'd never seen another bloggers writings, how would you muse? What elements of branding and website do you want your clients to experience?  It's easy to idolize someone you admire and try to mimic everything they do- but trying to be someone else is exhausting and unsustainable. Ultimately it sends a confusing message to your clients and leaves you depressed and deflated. You won't achieve consistent success until you embrace your story and own who you are. Guess that begs the question- Who are you anyway?

While I'm still trying to clarify that, I know one thing, I'm having a heck of a lot of fun figuring it out. ;)

credit: Nicholas Jespersen